i wish you strength to carry on. feel your pain, and it hurts me too. cause i don't know what to say, and i can't be there to offer you comfort. sorry for being such a lousy pal. take care my dear friend. be strong.

12 hours of school, of which 5 hours are breaks. and the worst thing is i didn't accomplish anything. a total waste of time.

learning to detach so as to learn to care less. but the downside is that prolonged detachment leads to nonchalance. and then i would not care anymore.

i shant care about my blogskin for the moment. irritated.

a grouch in the previous entry. sorry. just needed to get it out of my system. in a harmless way. haha=)

sometimes, i just wished i wasn't so logical. i would like to find somebody else to blame for the state i'm in, not always rationally, "maturely", reasonably acknowledge that i should share some blame for being in a shit hole.

i want to be unreasonable sometimes, when i get so tired. but i don't, and sometimes this irritates me. there are times when i want my own way, but i don't say a word. i wonder why i put up with this. maybe i don't see a point in arguing, in forcing things to go according to my wishes. [ but why don't i refrain from being unreasonable with my family? ]

i hate being so tired that i doze off on the train and some stranger has to wake me up.

努力努力再努力，但为什么好像总是不够好？

shit, suddenly i panic at the loss of time, and the little of it left. and the fact that my blogskin is against me.

changed a totally different skin? surprised? i was just tired of the butterflies. haha

slacking this entire weekend, kind of relaxed, but also starting to get the feeling that time will be going to pass so fast that i cant't catch up. 似乎有点儿不知死活, but who cares?

i love all the photos we took together, it reminds me of all the good times we shared, and the many more to come.
i love our goofy photos, i know i can be silly with you.
i love that you say what you mean, i know i can always do the same. (though ya, i still don't sometimes)
i love the comfortable feeling we share, i want to create special indelible memories together.
i love being with you, cause simply, you have become a part of my life i don't want to ever live without.

spoken or unspoken, i know you feel the same way too.

not 10 sentences, but i'm guessing this will suffice.=p

每一次返校难免感慨，感叹人事已非，感叹那熟悉的亲切似乎不再。但不知为了什么，听到任何母校的新闻，还是会关切，偶尔也还是会想回去看一看。无法解释的一种心情。圣中将永远牵引着我的心，或许这就是所谓的根。

在虚幻无常的世界里，希望自己至少能坚持的爱一个人。心无其他，一心一意，不怀疑，不动摇，就简简单单的爱一场。

today has got to be the worst day of this week, in fact it could be the worst day of this semester.

had a great misunderstanding with sharon today. i thought she was upset over not eating lunch together yesterday, so i didn't dare sms her to ask if she was with her classmates for anthro, since she was with them during the afternoon lecture. and then freddie didn't see the message sharon sent, so we ended up sitting apart. now i am extremely down, cause i didn't know we made her feel unappreciated. we didn't mean it, but perhaps this explanation doesn't suffice yet i hope things get cleared up and we get back on talking terms. i don't want to lose another friend. sorry sharon!

another reason this week sucks-i'm utterly broke.

had a good long talk with gen tonight, and sort of realised that we cant be girls who think about their own fun anymore. to be more accurate, we have realised it all along, especially since entering university, but speaking about it just causes us to face up to the stark reality.

in a few years, we'll all graduate. this is perhaps the last of our years in a less complicated environment, perhaps the last few years of opportunities to have fun. we will soon have to shoulder some responsibility of taking care of a family, the one we grew up in, as well as start one of our own.

so we begin to worry before our time, about the qualities the right guy should have. we are realistic, dont want no 5 Cs, we just want a drive to succeed, stability and lots of love. i believe we can both find him. ahaha =)

nice talking to you girl, hugs!

i wonder sometimes why do i bother trying the tutorials, when in the end, half i don't know how to do, half i guess at what i'm doing.

grr. feel my heart sinking, fast.

meeting gen tomorrow! =)

some of the stuff we ate last night: a brownie with ice cream, lasagne with lots of pretty veg, creme brulee, seafood baked rice, and a tiramisu that we ate halfway before remembering to take a pic =)

曾经不习惯对一个人敞开心房，不习惯在任何人面前卸下那防卫作用的坚强。

但这一切慢慢改变了，在你面前，我变得脆弱，也无法继续防卫。对你的在乎，已远远超乎我自己所能想象或控制的范围了。在你面前落泪，在你怀里依偎，都是因为我不想把我的心封闭起来。

不需假装，是你的爱带给我的最佳自由。千百万个理由当中，要我选一个爱你的理由，我会说我爱你因为这感觉像是世界上最自然不过的感觉。

no where else i'd rather be, when i already have you by my side.

upon a request, i unexpectedly stumbled upon something. i didn't get to finish it, and now i've lost the chance to give it to you. it languishes in my drawer, and i have no reason to complete it.

it is a reminder of the untied ends of a relationship that didn't work out. it wasn't a happily-ever-after, but i don't regret. i'm just sorry that i couldn't treat you more as a friend.

it's coming to a year now since we last talked, i hope you continue to take care of yourself, and find a better girl more deserving of your love and devotion.

i love all the photos we took together, it reminds me of all the good times we shared.
i love our goofy photos, i know i can be silly with you.
i love hugging you, cause you fill the hollow in my heart.
i love kissing you, you warm my heart like no one else can.
i love that you say what you mean, i can always do the same.
i love that you kiss my forehead when i cry, i feel your love.
i love holding your hand, i feel safe.
i love you resting your hand on my thigh, we feel so comfortable together.
i love the comfortable feeling we share, i want to always be with you.
i love looking at your face, sleeping or awake, i am reminded of how much you love me. and how much we hope to spend our lives together.
i love being with you, cause simply, i love you.

a simple 3 words, but encompassing so much more. spoken or unspoken, i know you feel the same way too. darling, i'll hold you close. i will always try to be honest and open with you. cause i want you to do the same too. muacks

went to a cha can ting that tingyan's dad opened, at geylang lor 42, and had pork chop baked rice. =) the desserts are nice!! and we went to eat rochor tao huay, which was super smooth! hong wanted to try fermented beancurd, so we went to buy one, but oh god, it really stinks! haha hong,yinjie and leen took about two bites each and gave up. and keep complaining that they think they smell. lol=p

yesterday was fun! we're going to visit changi village during the mid-sem break, and try to find bapoks. haha we had fun last night screeching in the car, trying to find prostitutes haggling prices with dirty men. saw nothing much, but quite excited. what the hell right? girls looking for prostitutes. haha =p

too bad we didnt have a chance to do some post-supper thing, like karaoke. nevermind, the next time then! hope weeinn gets well soon, and the next time we can have higher attendance! =)

bought makansutra, shall go in search of good food!

greece, barcelona, dubai, vienna, rome, okinawa..

i bought fan wei qi cd!! i think i haven't bought a cd in ages.. haha ancient.

there are things i wished i could say, but i cant. due to circumstances or due to my heart wanting to keep up a strong appearance. yet.. nevermind..

watched the break up. it made my cry, cause i felt brooke's agony at trying. but cry le like so silly. haha =p

there are some times i just feel like shutting myself away from the outside world, cutting off contact. lazy to talk, lazy to explain sometimes.

nights. =)

the longest day in the week, 12 hours from 830 to 830. and about 13 more weeks to go.

i know i have a horrible attitude. and that it makes people stay away. but then i somehow insist on having such an attitude problem, and when it drives people away, i get even more irritated and annoyed.

i am perverse. wahaha

snapping at people in an unreasonable fit of agitation. cant help it. sorry.

school is really disgusting, tutorials starting next week, together with horrible lab. haha but i shall try to be upbeat. somehow. dunno how.

met gen yesterday, happy! this darling friend gave me my first birthday present this year. so fast! thanks girl!=D i love you, muacks!

somehow i remember only fuzzy details of the beginning, and somehow i also feel 奇妙sometimes. but present happiness is more important, isn't it? =)

a small breather tomorrow, Thank God It's Friday. but nevertheless i'm going to school. tired,but i guess at least it isn't for too long.

hope every friday i get some time to myself to catch up on tutorials or just some private space. i do treasure my private time a lot. cause it's so scarce lately.

我不想无理取闹，但有时觉得其实你才是那个无理取闹的人。你的任性，弄得我好累。无法给你我24小时的时间，但为了不想吵架，我唯有默默忍受。不出声就不会吵架。

偶尔觉得我被你吞噬了。

i scoff at articles and language that hint of propaganda. i won't bother to fly the flag, nor sit down in front of the tv to watch the parade, much less go to the national stadium.

but when i recite the pledge or sing the song, i am proud of this country, for it has prospered well, and given me much of what i have today. i am proud to be a singaporean.

haha you may think i'm mad, but this is what i felt, when i heard the words 'this is my country, this is my flag, this is my future, this is my life. this is my family, these are my friends, we are singapore,singaporeans'. HAPPY 41st!

words fail me. sometimes i wonder if small things are already so irksome, how to withstand big issues?

bad start to a school year. i cant seem to sit in my chair for 2-3 hours, paying serious attention. grr.

i'm suddenly feeling stifled. when it's only the first day. i keep having this urge to push forward and stop being so flustered. creeping fear.

muggerific. to borrow from audrey. haha that's what i shall try to be.

School is starting tomorrow!! Somehow i have this uneasy feeling about this semester. Just feels like it ain't going to be easy, and this semester i just want so bad to get a GPA of above 4. I have plans to lead a healthier lifestyle, and be more caring towards my family. haha hopefully i can do it.

pensive lately, reflecting on times past. and there was a little part of me that longed to go back to those days, when things seemed simpler, when i felt happier, when my world was still full of things for me to look forward to.

but i guess i can only treasure what i had, what i have, and continue to look ahead.

excited about the 18th of aug! we're going to geylang to eat at tingyan's dad's cafe, and then perhaps go eat the other good food in geylang. haha yay!! so happy! something to look forward to, like little children going on field trip! =D

i'm hungry. pizza hut cheat money, but they failed! hahaha

i realised my blog has existed for more than 2 years. a little amazed. and looking back on the past year, i ended a relationship, entered university. just some of the events that happened. and everyday i change a little unknowingly. and i'll continue to change. hopefully all that i treasure now will still be with me in the future.

i dislike people who flaunt that they are in love, oh they would let you know, they are very much so. yucks. i only want to see my friends happily in love. and if you are a close friend, i'll share your joy. if you're not, i don't care really. and when you're imagining that someone is out to steal your boyfriend, haha please don't be so deluded can?

even worse, people who are desperate to find a guy/girl. i just find them pathetic. and of course irritating. why makes you think i'm interested in your complaints about lack of good looking people? grr. don't get on my nerves. stay off. there are people who are happily single, please learn to emulate them. so that you won't look so needy.

thank you. haha i am just pissed. don't imagine i shooting anybody.

i've not been at home earlier than 1030 this entire week. and yes i know i'm guilty of not spending enough time at home with my brother and my parents. cause i'm weak to change anything, i am glad that school is starting, so circumstances will help improve the situation.

girls meeting tomorrow, it's been a while, and it's going to be a long while till we meet again.

i'm tired. i feel i've not slept enough this holidays, and that is so unforgivable.

the words i say to my friends when they talk to me about their relationships are words i need them to say to me when i go to them with relationship problems.

cause sometimes one forgets these simple words, or maybe cause we just want someone to say out loud our inner thoughts. or just maybe we need reassurance.

sometimes the best method to keep faith is not to look so far ahead. make plans, by all means, but more importantly, once you set your heart on loving that special him, don't second-guess yourself.

finally went to visit ahma.. happy! but for the first time i made you angry. sorry

i pulled down an entire rack of clothes today, why didn't i act cool? instead i paisae and the person am chio. grr. paisae lehz!

you didnt answer my question, but i guess only time can give me the answer. so well, we'll see.. =) all the while hoping that the answer is a yes..